If you are a true creative you will completely get what is going on, if not you will more than likely think I am a red hot steaming mess. And that’s ok. Just note today’s post is a personal ventilation of frustration, confusion and self sabotage and I hope it makes you feel better.
People have often told me it looks like I am
‘Putting Out Spot Fires’
But this is my #podcastinglife, mothering of children and all things in the life I’ve created. With a passion to live life to the fullest, and an attitude that remains forever optimistic with a desire to never miss an opportunity, there is a daily struggle to prioritise, do and be all.
The reality of it is – the chaos is my calm.
And the funny thing is, without even realising, my productivity rating today was definitively on the ‘profuctive’ scale today.
I counted 48 tabs open tabs on one of my computers. And I have a great excuse; I’m often to scared to close them because they are a work in progress and I don’t want to forget them. But if I was honest – I get to a point where I struggle to get myself over the finish line – not always out of choice but through the obsession of perfection. Usually it’s a flaw in my planning process where I’ve overlooked a creation in the execution of the task, but mostly it’s the flipping around in a sequence that comes from my head not a plan.
The aha moment of being a recovering perfectionist, continues to be about fighting the urge to be better than good enough. It’s an overwhelming sensation to have all my ducks in a row and everything in place before I push publish, send or ok. But really it’s believing it or I am not good enough.
But alas! It stops and I get to it.
Eventually I get through that stupid fear (of rejection) and start shutting those pages down. I get this satisfied feeling that washes all over me as I tick, flick and scrunch up notes. It makes me feel productive to see a bin full of notes. It’s quite addictive.
Now enviably ‘when’ the system restarts itself or crashes, I am grateful. It’s my belief that it’s an intervention to clear the slate! And Whilst my inside head is yelling ARGGHHHH That’s the sound I make as I slowly watch each screen snap shut. My chest opens up and I breathe a big sigh of relief. It inspires me to get a clean piece of paper and go back through the recent files and start drawing boxes again.
Here comes the Detour!
Whilst I’m patiently waiting for my computer to restart, I’ll often find a file that I need to read through, make notes on or update. This is technically called hi-jacking. “It’ll just take 5 minutes” – I say to myself (another form of sabotage – underestimating the true time it takes to create). With other good intentions, I’ll edge a page forward in one of my 6 half read books that sit on my desk – research (it’s a mood thing – some are entertainment, others research but many end up ‘I will get to that pile’).
The screen suddenly lights up and I am back in business. Literally.
I guess the point of this blog is that; I find the life of a creative is this endless circling around and back to what was started, like a flywheel. And while I’m waiting for the energy to shift, the momentum to take off and my skills or knowledge to close in – this phase of my creativity has become well known in our team as ‘PROFUCTIVENESS’. They all know I will eventually get there, and even if I don’t – there is always someone there to support the process.
Now you probably read that word and went ‘WTF is Profuctiveness?
There are several definitions which include but not limited to:
Planning out the process, ticking off boxes and getting so close to the finish line and realising that you have so much more to do.
It’s a version of flipping in between screens, applications, programs and drives to ultimately produce a blog like this.
Check out some of the episodes from our ShirePOD.podbean.com channel on Podbean.
What this looks like is a sequence of bouncing, flipping and randomly jumping around from
Open New Document, to a
google tab on website editing page,
then glance over to diary notes,
answer phone, make call, send text
click on mail notification
back to NEW document,
then logging into back end of website to update blog,
Have a great idea for a Canva image pop into my head,
so upload photo image from iCloud,
end up making a series of images and back
to google search for Inspo quote.
download curated images from Canva
Upload images to website back end
Open document for blog and Copy
then paste and insert remaining imagery,
attach product link to image,
highlight word and insert weblink
publish on website and copy blog link
open tab to NEW document
highlight relevant words and insert blog link
think! should also publish this on social media accounts
Open Facebook, start new post, upload image and insert blurb – Publish. WHOOOHOO
(Hang on better check Instagram and put it on that platform to0, probably should have done it from Instagram in the first place as it publishes to Facebook for me, but it doesn’t do it with the links in the post…… feeling challenged.
Open Instagram, check likes and messages, send a few back, check other Insta-accounts, get stuck on puppy page.
that I realise I need a blog to NEW document to NEW Client.
Now with so many platforms, this process has become a well oiled machine!